great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
