I am puke
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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