mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
