She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
