I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if only i could text you this smell
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
