Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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