i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
