my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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