this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
