Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
