My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My feet surprised me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
