drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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