Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
