yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
