the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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