He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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