The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
