You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
