I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
