I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
