Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
