i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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