Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
