She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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