he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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