you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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