he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
