Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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