the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
