He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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