She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
