i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
