The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
