So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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