So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
