If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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