My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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