I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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