The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
