i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
