He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
