Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
