i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
