I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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