I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
