Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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