I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
