I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
