Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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