Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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