he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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